Skunk
(playing on his own in a sunlit front room, a strewn collection of toys
roundabout): Buh buh BUH! Hey!
LOOKOUT! LOOKOUT! Pyew! Pyew! Hey mister
making
his Lone Ranger action figure strut about.
Skunk:
Here comes the masked man duh duh duh DUH! Pyew! Pyew!
and
cog:
No. He has to walk.
Skunk:
But how come he can’t ride on on
cog:
Hyah Scout! Hyah!
making
the plastic horse gallop, Tonto’s legs clamped in a fist to either flank.
cog:
Giidap there Scout. Go find um Kemo Sabe
trotting
back to where Skunk sits trying to peel the mask back onto his Lone Ranger.
Skunk:
When I put this on he can, he can ride on the horse and and Tonto can get a
backy.
cog:
NO!
Skunk:
Why not? He’s the Lone Ranger. He’s the one thatuh!
His
hands go to his head.
Skunk:
I BROKE IT! I SNAPPED IT! AAAAA
sitting
with the tiny broken rubber mask between thumb and forefinger.
and
Mother:
Do you want to keep these?
a
pile of things cleared from out the storage space in the loft.
Mother:
Keep what you want and I’ll take the rest to the jumble sale at the church this
weekend.
The
Lone Ranger minus hat minus mask goes into the unwanted, almost without
thought.
and
Skunk
(coming in from college and commandeering the entire couch as his flatmates
watch tv): Whasson? Is this a western?
cog:
“Lone Ranger”.
Skunk
(sitting up) Really? What is it, a film or
cog:
It’s just a tv
clicking
her tongue behind her teeth, swallowing from the afternoon brandy and ginger.
cog:
It’s an episode of some old tv series.
cog
(counting off against her fingers): Racist. Badly acted. Appalling
editing. Chronic script.
cog:
And sexist.
cog
(imitating the damsel-in-distress voice of the programme): “Oh help me. Help
me. I need a man. I need a masked
man.”
cog:
Hey! Your man could do with a fucking
mask
and
laughter.
and
Skunk:
Did he even have a name? I mean,
apart from the Lone Ranger, or Kemo Sabe?
cog:
I haven’t a fucking clue. I don’t remember calling him anything other than the
Lone Ranger.
and
Skunk:
Hey! Do you, you wouldn’t happen to know any Lone Ranger trivia by any possible
chance?
ache1:
Not that I’m aware of, no no. Is it something... specific you’re after? Or just
anything?
Skunk:
No, well I was talking to somebody at the shop about this the other day, and
it’s something that comes up, it’s like a... Nobody seems to know his name, his
real name.
ache1:
The guy in the series?
Skunk:
Not the actor, but the, you know, the actual Lone Ranger’s name, the name of
the character when he’s not
laughs
Skunk:
when he’s not being the Lone Ranger.
ache1:
Maybe it’s a typo thing, and his real name is actually Ken O’ Sabby!
Skunk
(smiling, shaking his head woefully): No. No.
Pause
Skunk:
No.
and
deleted name: This
was a few years ago, but I heard that the guy who played the Lone Ranger way
back in the, what, in the fifties? Maybe even the forties? On the radio? I’m
not actually sure if it was the same guy ahmmmm... Let’s... was it Jeff, no no
it was Jay Silverheels that was the
Indian guy, Tonto! Damn, what was...
Skunk:
What was the Lone Ranger’s name though, do you know what
deleted name: I’m
just, hang on I know it.
Skunk:
No but not, not the actor’s name. The
name of the Lone Ranger himself, the the character’s proper name?
deleted name
(snapping fingers): John Reid.
